Relaxation
by Drawing-Butterfly
Summary: Finland decides everyone needs a break and plans a skiing trip for the nations. When a storm hits and the countries are stranded in sub-zero temperature, only one thing can happen – Sexual Tension. And lots of it. M for M-rated things.
1. Chapter 1

**Relaxation**

Summary: _Finland decides everyone needs a break and plans a skiing trip for the nations. When a storm hits and the countries are stranded in sub-zero temperature, only one thing can happen – Sexual Tension. And lots of it._  
Pairings_: FrUk, PruAus, PolHun, Baltic3, RusAmer, CanBel, FinSu, SwitzLi, Spamano, GiriPan, ChiKor, DenNor, HollGium, MonKraine, VietLand, TurkGypt, SeaLand_

_ONE_

Shiny, very warm, just perfect temperature for some winter sports, such as skiing. Now if England only didn't have to share this fine afternoon with some other idiotic nations.

"Hey hey Iggy hey Iggy!" America exclaimed as he curved with his skis right next to his... brother. Let's say England is America's brother. It's easier that way.

"It's awesome isn't it!" The blond yelled as he lifted his sun-proof skiing glasses to his forehead. America blinked a little at the sudden attack of the sun, taking a look around. Seriously, whoever invented contact lenses was a genius; they were so easy to use when he had to look cool like for example now.

"Yes it is very great, _Alfred_." Their bosses had made it a point for them to call each others by their human names when they had their little skiing trip in Finland who so generously had offered to let them have a _free_ cottage over at the one of his skiing resorts. This also worried England – almost everyone staying in one house for God knows how long. And the weather in Europe wasn't known for exactly being so predictable.

This could only lead to a disaster. And England could already feel a migraine coming to him.

That was when Russia decided to stride past them, glancing at America contemptuously. America muttered something along lines "oh you're on, bastard", put his skiing glasses back on and went after the larger nation, rather heroically may I add. Now England only hoped that they wouldn't start another Cold war... He'd rather not be blown up by the large amounts of nuclear warfare both idiotic nations possess.

"Why looking so grumpy, Arthur? Not that you aren't usually." A honey-laced voice purred just next to him. England flinched – he hadn't even noticed France coming near him! He was probably just getting old... not that he would ever admit it. Never.

"Got a stick up your ass? Or maybe you _want_ one – "

France never got to finish that amazing line as England had already placed his own skiing glasses to cover his emerald eyes and speed down the hill; a large amount of snow nearly hitting France in his beautiful face as the former Empire made his hasty escape. The southern European nation only sighed, spotting some ladies having a break and admiring the view at the corner of the hill. His skis seemed to have a mind of their own as France suddenly found himself praising the color of one woman's hair.

Meanwhile, Russia and America had already finished their little race at the bottom of the one of many snow hills and now they were arguing about who had won.

Canada simply observed the two calmly as he poured some maple syrup into his hot cocoa. At first he didn't notice the looming presence before him until he turned to grab one of his cute mittens that had fallen from the bench. Only when his hand brushed another person's leg did he fully turn around and that resulted into him giving a very manly shriek.

"Oh _mon __Dieu_, Belarus," Canada breathed as his hand was over his racing heart. "You almost gave me a heart-attack there."

"Look at him," Belarus hissed, completely ignoring the quiet man's just as quiet remark as she stared at the threat of a second Cold war unfolding before them. "How dare he treat my brother like this, I won't forgive him, won't forgive, won't forgive..."

Canada inched away from the mentally challenged woman. Her obsession with Russia couldn't be healthy, because come on, who would obsess with _Russia_ of all the people? Belarus couldn't be sane. And in Canada's mind _insane_ equaled _stay the hell away from_.

"Hey Belarus... shouldn't you just, er, well, let your brother do whatever he wants to?" Canada asked and flinched away immediately when Belarus's head snapped down to gaze at him instead of the two arguing nations just a little away. Now they seemed to be having a fiery argument about if America had really been there 0.00123 milliseconds before Russia.

"It's none of your business," Belarus just snorted and walked away, leaving Canada staring after her, feeling half relieved, half intrigued.

"I won damn it!"

"Нет, I was the one who won."

"In your dreams, Red. I won."

"Stupid face."

"What? D-D-Did you just call me stupid face?"

"Fitting for someone of your standards, дa?"

"You're the stupid face!"

"Нет you are."

"You are!"

"No, you are."

"Fat ass."

"I'm big-boned! And like you're one to talk, дa?"

"S-s-shut up! I'm just a little overweight right now!" America's face was doing a perfect imitation of one of Romano's tomato right now. It really put the communistic color of red to shame...

Russia pointed a gloved hand at America; giggling softly. "Дa! Your face is red!"

"Because it's cold!"

Russia giggled again; his chin dipping into the softness of his scarf in attempts to soften his giggles. "But you're embarrassed, дa?"

At the top of one of the more expert hills, Finland smiled down at the little specs that were his fellow nations. Oh this trip was such a wonderful idea! All his friends were here and it was so close to Christmas. This year had been so hard for him and all his friends with the all the bomb threats that England's old colony America had been receiving lately, the bombings in his neighbor Russia's current capital of Moscow, the thick cloud of ash from one of Iceland's volcanoes settling over all of western and eastern Europe, and Japan's cars having to be called back because of manufacturing problems. He was really hopeful that this year's batch of presents would be the best ones yet.

"U' a'r'ight' w'fe?" Sweden's somewhat gruff voice brought Finland out of his own reverie. Oh why did Sweden insist on calling him his wife – and especially in front of _people_? Well, there wasn't anyone around right now because many of the nations had yet to arrive here at the resort, but _still_. Just because he cooked and took care of the house they shared did not, _did not_, mean that he was Sweden's wife. _Not at all._

"I'm not your wife!" He exclaimed; his cheeks tinging a light pink after the words left his mouth. Sweden only put a hand on his shoulder and shook his head.

Finland sighed in annoyance, but there was still a smile on his bright face. "Come on, let's go check us all in."

* * *

Thinking back on it, it was a wonder how Finland got several nations to attend a ski trip in Finland in the middle of winter. Perhaps it was because several nations were exhausted, bored and probably too tired to exert enough energy to say no to the winter nation who could put a five year old to shame with his winning smile and bright eyes. This coupled with the fact that for two weeks they would get to act as normal, mortal humans instead of the inhuman, immortal countries they acted as for the other fifty weeks of the year. Their bosses had immediately agreed with the Winter nation's wonderful idea – this would give them not only two weeks free of the nation that represented the country they ran, but it also gave the countries a chance to improve relationships with others.

It had been a semi-normal week as always. Nothing had been accomplished like always and the heater system in the building where the Nations held their weekly meetings had snapped a belt and broke; leaving the building heatless and bitch-ass _cold_. For nations such as Russia and Iceland, the cold was fine, but for nations such as America and Japan, it was not.

Someone who shall remain nameless decided that they should build a super robot to pull the sun closer to Earth, but England, being the pessimistic person he always, immediately vetoed that idea and France just being France had disagreed with the both of them just for the sake of disagreeing. This then ensued another a fight between England and France (a lover's quarrel, some stupidly assumed) while the third party who shall remain nameless laughed at the predicament between the two European nations.

China, the four-thousand year old man he was, had long ago stopped trying to entice the two former empires to cease their quarrels with his wonderful cooking, but the good of the younger nations he still attempted to stop them once in a while. God knows that he would contemplate suicide if the younger nations decided to form habits like the older nations. But as fate had it, South Korea – the more wild one of the Korea's – had literally _jumped _across the table and had outlandishly groped China _in public. _

And the former kingdom of Prussia, Gilbert had decided that no rape would occur without him being present. It was a wonder why the former nation was even _there_, and China really had to wonder why Prussia had started to grope him as _well_. Fuck his life, why did all his siblings turn out _weird_?

After Prussia had latched onto China, Austria and North Korea decided to pull off their respective idiots, but instead of pulling them off; they had only been pulled on top of China; effectively squishing the Chinese nation. The chair underneath China had then begun to groan with the combined weight of all four nations and the back legs snapped; sending the countries falling backwards.

Things only seemed to go bad to worse because Romano decided to start name calling Germany out of no where and attempt to throw a Red Devil grenade at the German to which Spain attempted to stop him, but only got hit repeatedly in the face by Romano's flailing limbs in the process. Feliciano only started to cry at the amount of anger Romano was exerting and this only made Romano even more pissed because he believed Ludwig to be the cause of it all. Germany attempted to calm down the Northern Italian down, but failed in doing so because Romano stopped in hitting Spain and begun hitting Germany because he was 'touching his fratello'.

It seemed like Russia and America had decided to restart the Cold War. The two nations were quarreling over something. Apparently, Russia had made the mistake of sitting on Canada again and now America was defending the existence of his younger brother.

The bosses – who had been invited to the meeting – were unable to do anything in fear that they would only make things worse. A war was not needed right now.

The chaos, the destruction, the blatant rape, groping and fighting was all ended by Finland's one sentence.

"We should go on a vacation!"

The expressions on the other's faces were priceless. England and France who had been minutes from strangling each other could only stare at their northern neighbor. Russia's face was a perfect Kodak moment – he looked like a five year old who had just been informed that someone had stolen his cookie his grandma made him. Prussia was wondering if Finland was suicidal and Belarus was too busy thinking of beaches to marry her brother on to care for anything else.

"That sounds wonderful!" America's boss agreed.

"Yes, I agree." Japan's boss answered.

"It vill give them a break." The solemn voice of Russia's boss spoke.

"We could all could use a break." That was England's boss.

"It's decided!" France's boss exclaimed. "The countries will be ordered to go on break for two weeks. No exceptions."

The exchange had happened faster than the poor countries could comprehend. They had been fighting amongst each other and one measly _six _worded sentence from the Nordic had silenced them all. Oh crap. The news hit them like a tidal wave.

They were going on a vacation.

With each other.

For two weeks.

_Fuck_.

* * *

Austria was sitting on his bed, wondering why he was even here; away from his lovely handcrafted piano. He had been rather...bored as of late though. Prussia hadn't been bothering him much lately – even if they did live in the same house – he did not see much of the former nation. But not like it upset him or anything. He just got lonely. Hungary had been spending time with Poland; fangirling amongst over things that he'd rather not think about.

The aristocrat had been so busy pining over his loneliness that he did not see a pale hand crawl out from underneath the full mattress he sat on and grabbed his ankle. He gasped as he was pulled downward; his prestine almost smacking off of the ground in his fall. He was flipped over and he could feel something crawl on top of him.

"Kesesese, think you could get away from me?"

All the way across the resort, Japan was sitting on a couch with a sleeping Greece right next to him; a brown cat hanging off of his shirt. The Greek was not dressed for cold weather as it seemed; Japan could only shake his head.

China was currently dragging Thailand, Vietnam and South Korea across the resort floors while Holland and Belgium fought over something very stupid again. Iceland was chatting up a rather cold Sealand, who obviously wasn't used to the freezing weather. Romano was facing away from Spain and was blushing heavily. Norway was silently wondering how Denmark's hat could stay perched on his head like that and not fall off. Turkey was glaring at Greece from afar while Egypt only shook his head. Poland and Hungary were watching something and giggling like school girls on Hungary's portable DVD player and the Baltics were sitting on a couch talking amongst each other.

After Finland had checked them all in, he made Sweden gather all the nations who were enjoying themselves outside and had them sit in the lounge area. When the nations had gathered he smiled; holding up his hands, where an assortment of keys hung on his gloved fingers.

"_Hei_ everybody!" Finland said. "We'll be having to share rooms and our bosses already assigned us roommates." Finland flashed another winning smile. "Norwaaaay, you're roomed with Denmark~"

"Huzzah." Norway deadpanned.

"Hey, who peed in your Cheerios?" America asked from the couch. Norway just shot him a withering glare.

"Don't be so vulgar!" England scolded of his former colony. Said former-colony just rolled his eyes and settled back into the couch he was sitting on. Russia was sitting right next to him; his gloved fingers playing with the frayed ends of his scarf.

"Oh_Angleterre_, would you loosen up? My fabulous self could always always help loosen you up–" France attempted to pull the Teenager-at-the-Movies move by slyly wrapping his arm around England's shoulder, but the English country got up and moved in favor to a seat next to Japan.

"Let's see~ Austria and Prussia~ Russia and America~ Canada and Belarus~ Spain and Romano~ Germany and Italy~ France and England~ Iceland and Sealand and Greece and Japan~"

Several people groaned and there was a screech from Belarus to where she had to be held back by Russia.

Something was totally going to go wrong.

Totally and utterly _wrong_.

* * *

Note:

This is **TheEvilMuffinToaster **and **Jay EL 24.8 **bringing you the awesomeness of this story. Sure, we are supposed to be updating our own seperate fics here, but hell, we're breaking down walls here with our stories damnit. I mean. The amount of crack pairings in here is superlicious, if not supercreepy.

Farewell and leave a review on the way out~


	2. Chapter 2

_TWO_

"What were they _thinking_ when they decided those? Or were they thinking _at all_?" England asked and rubbed the bridge of his nose. Goodbye peace. Hello super special ultimate migraine.

"Hey France, switch with me," America asked. Russia had somewhat succeeded in calming his sister down and now he was sitting between Belarus (who was glaring daggers at the blond nation at the other end of the couch) and America (who was waiting for France's answer, as if that would save his little world). This could not end well.

"Absolutely _non_," France deadpanned, shooting a suggestive glance over at England, who groaned in desperation. "This is just perfect like this. You should work your... problems out too."

Canada blinked for few times as the realization dawned upon him. He would have to share a room with _Belarus_. Scary. Creepy. Marry-me-big-brother. _Stay the hell away from_.

For one reason or another, Canada also noted that they seemed to be the only ones that were annoyed because of the choice of their room-mates. Everyone else seemed to be taking it well... even if Romano was furiously denying how happy he was to be paired up with Spain. Even Austria seemed to already be used to living with Prussia. Hell, even Russia and America seemed to be okay with a predicament.

But when there was a threat of another Cold War or another Hundred Years War... or the threat of Canada not surviving these two weeks. He most likely wouldn't. Absent-mindedly Canada wondered if he should testament his hockey sticks to America or to Russia.

"So, communist bastard," America huffed and pointed at the imaginary line on the floor. "This is my side of room. That is your side. You stay there, I stay here. Understood?"

Russia could only stare at the imaginary line that divided the room in two. This was so not _fair_. He was not only seperated from America, but his side of the room was _smaller_. He was the older one here and so therefore, he deserved more room than the younger American.

"нет, I do not agree." He took a step over the imaginary line America had drawn in the wooden flooring of their shared room. "I do not agree at all."

The blond could only stare at the other in horror. "Did you just step over my totally awesome line and say that you don't agree with me?" But he needed his privacy! And he didn't want to get raped either, thankyouverymuch.

Russia only another step closer to the American nation. "Da, I did." The blond looked at Russia in horror

Then America took a deep breath, calming himself down. He would so not get raped! He had to be calm and awesome and ready to kick some ass. "Objection!" He yelled and pointed at the larger nation, who paused for a moment to hear what America had to say. "I do not agree with THIS."

"You don't have to da? But it's only fair that we get equal portions of the room. You are a capitalist aren't you? Aren't you all the freedom and equality?" America could only stare.

Equal portions of the room? Wait, so he wasn't going to be raped? America blinked and then started laughing in relief. Russia stared at the other blankly. Had America gone crazy or what? "Hahaha! No." He narrowed his eyes at Russia. "My awesomeness needs more room than your fat ass."

Russia's eyes narrowed and the room dropped at least twenty degrees and America took a step back in fear. Dude, if Russia's head started spinning around on his neck like that character in The Exorcist, he was going to fucking strangle Finland in his sleep with a shoelace

Russia took another step closer to America. "Now, now, America," he said with his sing-song voice. "You think I have fat ass, like you so nicely put it? How would you know? Have you maybe..." He took in a mock gasp of surprise but the effect was ruined because of the giggle that escaped his mouth. "...Been staring at my backside?"

America's once again started to impersonate one of Romano's many tomatoes. "I...I...I have not!" (Alright he did once…maybe twice…But damn it! The key to being successful is to know your enemies inside and out!)

"But, ah~" Russia giggled. "You hesitated Amerika, which means you are lying to me, da?" He took another step closer. "I do not like liars."

This time he didn't back away and instead glared at Russia. "Why would I stare at your FAT ass anyway? Besides, my ass is way more awesome than yours!"

"If you haven't seen it, then how do you know its less awesome than yours?"

"Because my ass is more awesome than anyone else's ass in the whole world!" America exclaimed arrogantly, leaning closer to emphasize his next words. "Even you can't win me in this."

"Oh have you been spending time with France? You possibly can't have seen everyone's ass, da?"

"W-ha...? Wait? Why are we even having this conversation?"

Russia blinked for few times before getting a thoughtful expression. "That's a good question, America. I'm amazed."

"You're amazed, my ass... Now can we get back to the original subject? Go back to your side of the room!"

Russia's answer was deadpan. "No."

"Then," America huffs and pushes at Russia's chest to get past him, stopping a little before his imaginary line, drawing a new one in the air with his finger and again getting larger side of the room. "THIS is my side."

"Oh you amusing America~" Russia said in that sing-song tone of his and he clasped America's hands in his gloved hands and begun to swing them back and forth like a retarded pendulum. "We still deserve equal portions of the room, da?"

"Let go of me!" America yelped, grimacing. "And you can go to sleep in the closet for all I care! Actually yeah, you can sleep there and I'll have the bed all for myself-!" He paused when he realized one very important thing.

"Russia?"

"Yes?"

"There's only one bed."

Russia blinked and looked up from their swinging heads. The American was right. There was one bed. One full-sized with a flowery pink duvet and two pink-shaded pillows.

_CRASH!_

"BIG BROOTHEEERRR!" Russia flinched at the familiar screech coming just outside the closed door of the room.

"What the-" America asked when Russia shushed him and whispered: "I'm not here." In the next moment he rushed to the other side of the room, opening the closet and stepping in, closing the door tightly behind him.

America could only stare at the closet door which had quietly shut. He shook his head and walked to the door; opening and then jumping backwards as the door nearly hit him in the face as it slammed open.

"Where is my brother?" Belarus asked and America felt a sudden urge to follow Russia into the closet because of the scary look she was giving to him.

"Uh, well, the thing is that, he erm... he... left! He isn't here! He was annoying me so much so I kicked him out of here, hahaha!" And why in the hell was he helping Russia anyway? Well, he had to fucking share a bed with Russia for the next two weeks, so it's probably a smart idea to get on the Slavic country's good side. Even if it means getting shanked by Belarus

"You are lying."

America coughed and shifted, trying to hide his nervousness but obviously failing miserably. "Why would I be lying? Besides, wait... where's, what's-his-face, oh yeah Canada! What did YOU do to MY brother?"

"Nothing." Belarus said, her scratchy voice monotone. God, America could see the relation between Russia and Belarus now. It set his creepy-meter off the charts. "I have done nothing to your brother, even though I must wonder how you two are related in the first place because it well obvious that your brother is the smarter one of the North American siblings."

"WHAT?" America shouted, momentarily forgetting the creepiness practically radiating from the woman before him because of the insult. "Well, I'm the more awesome one! Even Russia admits that!"

There was a thump in the closet and Belarus peeked around America; her eyes narrowed. "What was that?"

"Uh...A ferret!"

"A ferret."

"Yeah, a ferret. His name is James and he's very cute."

"Why is he in the closet?"

"Because he hasn't come out yet." America really tried not to snicker at what that could mean to another.

"And why hasn't he come out?"

"Hell if I know! He's James the Ferret and if he doesn't want to come out, then he won't come out!"

Belarus nodded. "Very well, tell James I said hello. I will continue on my search for Vanya so we can get married. Farewell stupid American."

America stared when Belarus shut the door behind her. Then the blond went to the closet and opened the door, peeking in. "James, Belarus told me to say hello to you," he snickered at the relieved Russian.

"Very funny." Russia made to get out of the closet, but his foot tripped over one of the coat hangers and he felt himself falling. America could only say two words.

"Oh. Shit."

* * *

"Kesesesesese! There's only one bed!"

"I can't believe this," Austria mumbled as he facepalmed. "Prussia, I will not sleep in the same bed with you. What is Finland thinking...?"

"Oh come on Roddy-kins~ I know of those dreams you have of me

"W-w-wh-what dreams?" Austria stammered, his face flushing bright red. "I certainly do not have any dreams about you! How dare you imply something like that!"

"Kesese, I heard you moaning my name all awesomely while at West's house~" Prussia's grin grew lecherous. "Come on, you know you want a piece of awesome."

"I have not done anything like that! And I do not want anything like that!"

"Yeah right, fancy-pants. That's like saying North Italy hates Pasta. If Ita says that, the world will explode."

"What does that have to do with our discussion?"

"It just proves that you want me!" All of a sudden, Hungary (wielding a frying pan) came out of no where and slammed the kitchen utensil down on Gilbert's head.

"Hungary!" Austria exclaimed in surprise, just staring when Prussia fell down on the ground, mumbling something about "cute chicks".

"Prussia, if you absolutely have to sleep in the same room with my dear Roderich, then you shall sleep under the bed, that understood?" Hungary demanded with a sweet voice.

"You crazy bitch-"

At the crazy look in the Hungarian's eye, Prussia gulped. "_Ja_, _ja_..."

Austria sighed. Why did these two always have to fight over him? Wait, that was worded weirdly. Fight because of him? Fight... for him? How about we forget the last part all together. He really needed to play his piano right now, but oh right. He was stuck in the same room as his ex-wife and roommate.

Finland was all trying to secretly kill them and take over the world wasn't he?

* * *

"Norway! Norway!" Denmark laughed; jumping up and down on the bed – the only bed in the room they were sharing – like a child. "Come and jump on the bed with me prick!"

"Go die." Norway answered.

God – the historical figure who many blindly praised with respect – must have had a personal vendetta against all the damn Nordics. Iceland found out he was crushing on his brother; Sweden and Finland to **live **with Denmark; everyone thought he was batshit crazy (with a side of insanity) as England because he saw magical creatures; Finland had to deal with Russia before gaining his independence, and Denmark was well…Denmark. God really hated the Nordics didn't he? Damn, this was payback for the time when they were Vikings wasn't it…?

"Hey, Norway," Denmark said, flopping down on the bed. Their was a lecherous grin on his face. "What do you say to me and you having a little fun under the cove–"

Before the Nordic could even think about finishing that sentence, Norway picked up the Bible on the bed stand and whipped it at Denmark's face. The leather bound-book hit dead-on, and Denmark fell back with a grunt.

Take that, God.

* * *

Japan was confused.

Extremely and utterly confused.

Sure, he had shared beds with Greece before and there was the common fact that they totally weren't in a relationship at all. (but there had been that one time where they had been in the same bed together and it had given birth to a bad, terrible and wrong (but oh so right) nightmare/dream.) And now they were sharing the same bed for two weeks.

He was so confused.

Why had Finland brought them all here?

Why had their bosses agreed to this idea?

Why was Turkey here in his bedroom?

Where in _hell _was Greece?

* * *

"_FIIIIIINNLAAANDD_!" Few heads could be seen peeking out of the rooms but they disappeared right after they noticed that the one shouting was England. With a broom. It wasn't that it was a boring everyday incident, it was just that everyone went to get their popcorns.

"Waaaaah! Don't hit me!" Finland shouted, running down the hall in nothing but his birthday suit. England had snuck up on him while he was in nude and about to get in the shower. And when Tino told England that the roommates couldn't be changed, Arthur didn't take it all that well...

Suddenly Sweden jumped protectively between Finland and England, staring furiously at the latter one. It wasn't glaring. It was just a... very very VERY intense stare. England paused for a moment.

"Denmark! Norway! Cock-blocker off the starboard!" England shouted, tongue from his pirate days slipping in and the two Nordic countries dove out from behind one of the doors and rugby-tackled Sweden.

"Mommy, why's that man naked?" A little girl asked in Finnish on her way out of the lodge with her mother. For some unknown reason, all residents had to be cleared out due to a large and rather destructive party taking up most of the lodge's room.

"Nothing Jonna, just close your eyes and ignore it."

"But he's got a long thingy hanging off of him like Daddy–"

"Ignore it."

France, who was sitting on a worn-out couch with his legs crossed elegantly and wine glass in one hand, sighed dramatically. "England, mon cher, calm down will you?" Sure, the sight of a naked Finland was a wonderful sight to see (oh he wished Finland was much closer to him and not so close to Russia), but England was blocking his view of the naked Finnish nation. Such a shame…

"This bloody wanker is the reason we're paired together!" England shouted. "Because of him, I need to splice the main brace!" The former Empire was jumping up and down and waving his arms wildly as he attempted to hit Finland with the broom, who had taken refuge on top of the high fireplace mantle. Oh thank you god that England was short...

"And that is why we must make these two weeks very enjoyable, don't you agree?" France asked casually, as if he actually hadn't just suggested something lewd. Almost inaudible grunts could be heard from Sweden who was currently being crushed by two of his fellow Nordic nations sitting on top of him.

"Finland, come down would you, aru?" China called out, still dragging a lazy South Korea across the floor. "We won't hurt you, aru." Even though it was said kindly, promises of pain were hidden behind those kind words.

"It wasn't me who decided these rooms!" Finland yelped when his leg slipped and he almost fell, regaining his balance just in time. "Your bosses paired everyone up all by themselves! Blame them if someone!"

"Don't hit me!" Finland commanded, ducking when England attempted to hit him with the broom.

"Wait. What do you MEAN our BOSSES paired us up?" England asked, stopping his wild broom-swinging for only a moment.

"They paired you up in attempts to strength ties between countries." Finland revealed. He would probably get shot in-between the eyes by his own boss, but there was no way in hell was he was going to die naked from being beaten with a broom by England and his pregnant-woman like actions.

"It's more like they're trying to start the third World war!" China exclaimed.

"I actually agree with China," England nodded.

"B-but I don't understand!" cried Canada, who had come out of his room. "Why would they make me share a room with Belarus? Are they trying to kill me or something? My boss..."

As usual, everyone ignored him and went on with their own complaints of the situation..

"Wait." England said. "Where's Alf- I mean, America?"

"And where's брат?" Belarus asked, appearing from absolutely no where."

"Don't they have a room together?" A suspiciously-ruffled Austria asked a grinning Prussia.

"Kesesese, someone's getting lucky!"

"NOOOOO!"

At the sudden yell, everyone turned to look at the direction where it supposedly came from. They found themselves staring at America, who was out of breath and his hair was messy, golden locks falling over his eyes, not to mention that his clothes were wrinkled.

"That... THAT is so fucking WRONG!" He shouted, pointing with his index finger.

"What happened?" England asked.

"Did you hurt brother?"

"I was raped damnit!"

"It's not rape if you want it mon cher," France winked, smiling perversely.

You had sex in a closet?" Spain asked happily.

"NO!"

"Doing it in a closet would be fun," France smirked and then turned to England. "Hey Iggy-"

England's answer was deadpan. "No."

In all the commotion, no one noticed the still-naked Finland attempting to escape. Only Felicaino did.

"Tino~! Why are you naked, ve~?"

"Finnish tradition!" Finland shouted as he disappeared behind the corner. There was silent for a moment until Finland ran back into the room, now disappearing behind another corner before anyone could react. Then Russia appeared from where the smaller northern nation had at first disappeared to.

"Does anyone have an explanation for why Tino is naked?" Russia asked, severely confused about the situation at hand – everything seemed to occur when he was occupied with Amerika...

"Rapist!" America shouted, pointing his finger at Russia before diving behind the couch like the man he was.

"Wait."

"I thought you were raped by the closet...?" Spain asked. Alright, he was confused. Maybe Lovino had an explanation...

"So," Spain said, turning to Romano who promptly face palmed and murmured, "No Spain, I don't know what is going on."

"Neither do I!" England yelled and pointed one finger at Russia. Pointing is fun. "Explain me! Why is Alfr-, Ame-, I mean Al-, fuck it, AMERICA, yes, why is America calling you a rapist? What did you do to him?"

"I didn't rape him!" Russia defended. He invaded people, not raped people - that had been Prussia's job. "When I was coming out of the closet, I fell on him!"

"So брат was hiding in there!" Belarus accused. "Not some ferret named James!

America shuddered. "No wait, you've got it all wrong. James the ferret was in there and Russia magically switched places with James after you left!"

Belarus went to lunge at America–

And the lights flickered out.


	3. Chapter 3

_THREE_

When the lights went out, Alfred did the appropriate thing there and screamed. Oh hell, this was something straight out of a goddamn horror movie. And now someone totally was going to fall on top of him and would get him pregnant and he'd get all fat and he couldn't _drink_ and he'd never be able to retain his slimming figure afterward. Wait, if he got pregnant where in hell would it come out? Maybe, he could ask Japan. From the small amount of text Alfred had read in all of Kiku's pornographic novels, Alfred could tell that male pregnancy was common. Or maybe it was just a Japanese thing.

"Ah, _Germany!_" North Italy sobbed. "I'm _Bliiind! _And where's Fratello? _Fratello~ Fratello!"_

"Ana, ana, Viet, you stepped on my foooooot."

"Lovi~! Where are my Tomatoes!"

"You didn't bring them with you bas – C-Chi-Chigi! Don't touch that hair!"

England wanted to slam his head against the wall. _Hell_, he always wanted to slam his head against the wall. His eyebrow twitched when he smelt Francis's rather sweet perfume behind him. No matter how many times the Frenchman denied that it was not perfume he was wearing, but rather some sweet-smelling cologne, England could swear on Queen Victoria's grave that it was perfume.

Not like he'd admit to liking the smell. Ever.

"_France_," England said in a warning tone. "Go away _now. _Nobody likes you."

"Oh, don't be so crass Angleterre~"

"I'll show you crass - "

Austria sighed. "Everyone, just calm down now would you?" The Austrian was attempting – keyword: _attempting – _to ignore Prussia's wandering hands. He knew the former nation was milking this opportunity for all it was worth because Prussia knew Hungary wouldn't attempt to hit him with a frying pan without fear of hitting Austria instead. "The storm obviously blew out the lights, just wait a while and they'll most likely come back on."

"Oy! How do you know?" Switzerland demanded of the Austrian; his arm securely wrapped around the shoulders of what he hoped to be his sister.

"Haha, someone should go find Finland," Denmark advised. "Finnish tradition or not, it's not really good for Tino to be running around naked in the dark, eh?"

Norway snorted. Finnish tradition, his ass.

"Bloody hell, does someone have a flashligh – _France_, for the last bloody time, get away from my backside before I run through you with my - "

"You have the wrong person." France smirked. Though, he wished he was the one groping England – the lucky bastard. "I am no where near you." And silently, his hand swooped behind South Italy and successfully groped the Italian.

"Bastard-Spain, stop touching my butt!"

Spain had been too busy trying to find his nonexistent tomatoes to hear what Romano had said. "Eh, Lovi wants me to touch his butt?"

"W-What! I did not say that!"

England was still trying to figure out who was behind him. Finally, his ass was groped once more and he jumped at the sudden move. There was a gasp.

"Eh! You aren't Aniki!"

He _knew _that voice. He had to goddamn deal with it when America was going through the Korean war. "...The fuck...? Korea! China, control your goddamn imbecile of a brother!"

There was a wheezing sound and a huff. "A little busy here, aru…"

"What are you busy with then, hmmm?"

"Russia's…he's sitting on me…" There was a groan and England swore he could have heard a rib crack.

"Eh?" Russia asked confused; he was sitting on someone? Strange. "_Ja_o? I'm sitting you…?"

"Yes, aru…"

America twitched. It was Hero time baby! He could so not deal with this at the moment. He was still dealing with the emotional trauma that came along with being raped. Well, he wasn't raped _per se_ but he had been violated. More than he would have liked. Ever.

"Russia!" America commanded. "Get your ass of China, I don't know about you, but I kind of have to still pay him off and Korea – I really don't care if your Evildoer or Good Korea – stop groping England. Like _seriously_, that's France's job. And please don't get Iggy pregnant man! I don't need a little Iggy running around and I really don't need an overly emotional Arthur 'cuz his emotions are out of whack as it is!" America then grabbed what he hoped to be Russia's hand and pulled him off of the couch.

America then reached into his bomber jacket's and pulled out that blue flashlight he's had ever since he attended that one international boyscout's meeting. Sure it has been as boring as hell (they didn't even _do _anything) but in the end, he got a free awesome flashlight and met a hot soccer mom. It was all good…

The nation flicked on the light and shined it in England's face who scowled at the sudden burst of light.

"Bloody wanker! You've had a flashlight the entire time?"

America was too busy looking at England's eyebrows to have heard the former empire had said. "Wow Iggy… In this light, your eyebrows are as twice as big…"

"My eyebrows aren't _that _big…" England stuttered.

"Oy, you ex-pedo! Come off your throne and join the little people!" Denmark guffawed. "We _all _know that you lost your eyebrows during the revolutionary war and glued pubes to your face in replacement–" Norway reached over and slapped Denmark upside the head; effectively shutting the Nordic up.

"Hey, hey! Just all calm down all 'ight?" America soothed, his hero complex kicking in. "Russia, come with me to find Finland." Sure, Russia had recently just attempted to rape him, but Russia was the biggest country and probably the most violent too and he knew for a damn fact that Russia made it a personal hobby to beat the living crap out of any nation he didn't like.

"Eh? Why me?"

"Cuz' you're Russia." He wasn't about to say that Russia was just a scapegoat for when the ghosts came. "And off we gooooo!" He grabbed Russia's hand and bolted from the room.

"брат!" Belarus screeched as loud as she could. "Bastard! I will kill you Amerika! брат!"

Canada yelped as the screaming Belarusian nation tripped over someone's foot (he'd bet all the syrup in the world that it was South Korea's) and fell on him. Kumajirou literally _flew _from Canada's lap and onto Ukraine's to avoid being squished by the Slavic nation.

"Maple!" Canada squeaked, feeling Belarus press up against. Oh mon dieu! This why he hated being a man and it was impossible to hold back the urges because he was so rarely introduced to them. Please don't let him get hard, his life is tough enough...

...Though why would he get hard for Belarus anyway? I mean this is Belarus we're talking about! Oh no wait blood no don't go there, up, up, up not down, oh maple why was Belarus' knee there holy maple syrup on a sandwich-

Ukraine let out a small sound of surprise when something warm and furry landed on her... huge tracts of land.

"Ahh! Kumajirou! Help me!"

"Who?"

"Canada!"

England, who had been hugged by France from behind, was attempting to count all of the countries in the room, but was failing quite miseribly because the lights were still out.

"Oy," He said, gaining the attention of France. "Where's Japan?"

"Japan?" France repeated and the former empire nodded. "Oh Angleterre~ Why would you want Japan when you have moi?"

"Igirishu-san..."

"Japan?" England asked, completely ignoring France's inapproriate comments. Actually everything that came out of France's mouth was inapproriate. France's mouth itself was a very inapproriate place (to be in).

England struggled to get away from France, but the southern European nation was stubborn to let go of his prey... I mean, neighbour. Yes, neighbour.

"...I can't feel my arms..." Japan said weakly.

"Well, Russia's not here..." Denmark sighed and felt something shift underneath him. "Holy shit! My chair just moved!"

"Moron, YOU'RE sitting on Japan."

"I am?" Denmark asked and then patted the place where he thought Japan's head was and said: "Sorry, man."

"Who touched my butt just now?" Someone who absolutely wasn't Japan asked.

"The only butt I'll touch is Lovi's~!" Spain said happily.

"Seriously, who just like touched my butt right now?" Poland asked again, hands on his hips. "Cuz' like the only two people who can touch my butt are Liet and Hungary. But if you pay, you can."

"Whoa! You're a man!" Sealand suddenly shouted.

"Whoa! You're a kid!" Denmark mimicked and just patted Sealand's butt again. "But if this is not Japan... then where is he? …And oh fuck, wasn't I sitting on Sweden?"

The Nordic nation started groping around blindly because America obviously had went away with the only flashlight.

"Hey Japan, does this body part belong to you? Whatever it is," Denmark wondered and squeezed the thing lightly.

Norway bitchslapped Denmark as he felt his crotch being grabbed.

"Norway, our wands!" England suddenly shouted. He felt so stupid now. How could have he forgotten that he was a wizard? England pulled out a wand and looked at it. "Lumos!"

Norway blinked for a minute before he understood what was going on and he too pulled a wand out of nowhere. "Super special awesome magical wizard power of doom!" He said with a completely monotonic voice.

"Say what now?" Denmark and England asked at the same time, both just as confused. The light at the end of England's wand died out quickly and he cursed at it.

"My wizard power drains all other wizard power within a fifty mile radius," Norway told England, his stony face glowing eerily in the light of the wand. "Come on moron, we have to go find Finland before he is raped by Russia. I'd rather not deal with that again." He said to Denmark, who was sitting on Sealand and no longer sitting on Sweden.

"Wait!" England commanded. "At least find Iceland, ever since the volcano incident, we've been taught not to leave him alone. Ever."

"M'w'fe rap'd by R'ss'a?"

Everyone jumped away from the sudden source of the voice. Some even screamed when they saw a really intimidating face in the glow of Norway's magical wand's just as magical light.

"Ag'n?" Sweden continued, eyes flaming with cold fire. Not that there actually was any real fire in his eyes, silly. How could fire be cold anyway? "I d's'ppr've," the Nordic nation announced.

"We will form a search party for both Finland and Iceland." Norway reached into his jacket and pulled out another wand and touched the tip of that one to the current glowing one to light it up. "Denmark and I will search for Finland, Sweden and Sealand will search for Iceland."

"Wait, didn't America and Russia go off to find Finland, aru?" China asked, inching away from South Korea.

"Those two couldn't find their way out of a paper box; much less find a naked Nordic." Norway said seriously.

England nodded in agreement, along with several other nations expect for those that were unable to do so. Like Belarus. Did everyone just seriously ignore those screeching noises for who-knows-how-many minutes straight? They continued to ignore her anyway.

"So you go search for them," England mumbled and turned to everyone else. "We should find a way to get the lights to work."

"Well, obviously the winter nations should go," Prussia said smarmily. "Because the power box is outside in that weird shed that kind of looks like a gingerbread house and makes me hungry whenever I think of it..." Prussia shot a look at where he knew Canada was being crushed by Belarus. "Oh, Canada~! How about you go be awesome and go turn on the power for us?"

"That sounds like a good idea." England agreed.

Wait, what? Why did everyone suddenly remember him!

Canada hid his face in his hands. Why did the world hate him…?

* * *

Hello, it's Jay EL 24.8 here. Sorry, it's kind of my fault that we're being so slow with updating this, but now that I'm having my waited freedom aka summer vacation, I guess there will be faster updates after that faster updated thing… maybe. Though yeah, TEMT totally wrote more than over a half of this chapter. Sorry dude.

You know, we have such a tradition here in Finland as to roll in the snow after sauna. It's fun but sadly I can't do it anymore myself because we moved and now the neighbours are way too close.

...Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter, see you!

_(TEMT totally doesn't exist in this chapter, she's lurking like a pervert currently.)_


	4. Chapter 4

_**Chapter Four:**_

Awkward Silence was Awkward.

America could honestly say that much. The creepy smile of Russia's had never left his face once and they were both wandering through the dark like morons in search for whatshisface….Finland. Yeah, it was Finland. From what it seemed, Finland had gone M.I.A. and was currently running around in his birthday suit. So being an awesome hero, he just had to take the evil villain to go save Finland! But unfortunately, this lead to his current situation: Running around in the dark with Russia and his super awesome flashlight was dying and –

Well maybe. It all depended on what Russia's ingenious plan was really. Dammit Russia was probably going to drag him off somewhere and drown him in an unused bathroom in a dark hallway and leave his dead corpse in the cold snow, which was another reason why he hated this trip because it was _so damn cold _and his fingers felt like ice and –

_Fuuuuuuuuuuck. _This was making him seriously depressed. Just, seriously-seriously depressed.

Anyway, getting back on track, Russia was still being a creepy fucking bastard. And dammit he wasn't saying anything and is just smiling that creepy smile of his, probably thinking of some way of torturing poor Lithuania and holy shit he can see his breath and when did it get so cold, _whereisTonywhenyouneedhim_–

America stopped suddenly, heart racing violently.  
"D-Did you hear that?"

The Russian finally stopped, looking back at the American with a curious look on his face and the creepy smile just dropping just a tad.

"D-Did you hear th-that…?" America repeated, laughing awkwardly. "Man, it sounded like some creepy laugh. Hahahaha~!"

"I did not hear anything."

"Oh really?"

"Yes really."

"Oh really?"

"Yes, really."

"Oh, _really?_"

"Yes. _Really._"

"Okay, just making sure."

"…Your attempt at conversation is poor."

America glared at Russia's back and huffed. But still, he was damn sure and swearing on Good ol' Washington's grave – he could honestly say that he heard _something_.

Glaring at Russia he noticed something. Maybe it was his overly super-fuckin'-sized, amazingly, amazing awesome imagination – but did Russia seem just a little bit more tense then before? Not like Japan tense, the "shitfuckdamn, I'mabouttogethuggleglomped" tense. Neither was it the sexual tense, no. Far fucking from it.

It was the "Tense". Yeah, The _"Tense"._ The tense every nation got when shit was about to fly and it was going to hit the fan. So _hah_, Russia must have heard something if he was tense because he wasn't sexually awkward like Japan and definitely wasn't going to jump him at any moment prior. So yeah!

It was the "_Tense".  
_(Yes, it had to be expressed dramatically to get the point across because the "_Tense" _is indeed that serious.)

So now…

What the fuck could Russia be fearing?

Hmm. Maybe it was the freezing ass cold, but wasn't there some guy named Winter who stalked Russia…?

Nah. This was Finland. The land of Santa and bad food, not the land of commies and bad food. So…What about the freezing cold itself? Despite the 100 degrees or so Russia got during his summer months, he still had those cold as freaking fuck winters–

–Nah.

The dark?

…But then again, Russia did spend most of his life in darkness…

Fuck.

What was it then–

"_БРАТТТТТ! Where are you бра_т?"

It was then and there America could officially say that he has seen a grown man freeze in fear. Every muscle in Russia practically iced over and his purple eyes went wide. Haha. _That _was it. It was only Belaru–

–_Shit_.

"…Is that your sister?"

"Da."

"Aren't you scared?"

"Da."

"Should we run?"

"…Da."

And with that, Russia took off; leaving America behind him in his dust.

"You…_asshat._" America snarled under his breath before taking off after him like the athletic beast he most definitely was, ignoring the burning stich in his side as he did so.

"Brother, _brother is that you!"_

At the sudden voice, the nation suddenly tripped and Belarus giggled from wherever she was.

"_Marriage, marriage, marriage!"_

…_Fuckfuckfuck shitshitshit damndamndamn…!_

He pumped his legs faster, practically ignoring the now screaming feeling in his lungs (shut up, it wasn't his fault half the kids in his country were asthmatic..!). The organs screamed at him to _slowdown slowdown slowthefuckdown…! _America only caught a glimpse of Russia's scarf as the Russian rounded the sharp corner ahead. He pushed his burning legs faster and ran that corner as fast as he could; nearly slamming against the wall as he rounded it. Russia was not that far ahead and in the dark, America could see the pinkish tan scarf trailing uselessly behind the Slavic.

"_BROTHER. BROTHER. WHERE ARE YOU. MARRIAGE MARRIAGE MARRIAGE!"_

And with promise of actually donating to world Hunger foundations next winter, America pushed his legs one more time, kissed his heart goodbye and sprinted past Russia with the speed of a thousand and one men and a fat guy.

In reality, he knew that he really didn't need to run so fast to escape a batshit insane woman that happened to like knifes very much. Really, he didn't want to run at all and just wanted to sit down somewhere and have a beer or two…He just…

He _really _didn't want to do die.

Then, America and Russia did that creepy thing with the meeting of the eyes – as if the meeting of the eyes suddenly meant that they had to race each other instead of working together to escape the Belarusian. But whatever. America met eyes with Russia in the dark and he didn't know what happened next. The superpower assumed that it was the Russian's fault though – like always. He had only made eye contact with the other Country and an awesome race worthy of the Olympics had been started.

…But _someone _tripped over the carpet and _someone _had stumbled forward, swearing loudly; causing the person behind him to speed up but to only fail terribly as he was crashed into the moment he got ahead.

The two bodies collided and began to roll across the floor like a ball. They tumbled into a suspiciously open bedroom doorway with the door slamming shut behind them.

Eventually, Russia and America stopped rolling when they bumped into the bed and fell over; both ending up in probably one of the most awkward situations they've ever had in their long lives.

America's face had landed between Russia's legs, half of his body on top of him while the lower half of him was underneath Russia; his leg rolled underneath his own body and his left arm trapped painfully between the two bodies.

Russia on the other hand was horribly hunched over America as his scarf had somehow come undone and had unwrapped and been tugged under his own leg and wrapped around America's neck in the process.

"You know," America said, his words muffled slightly by the fabric of Russia's pants. "Isolation is looking _so _sexy right about now."

"Yes, and – Amerika, your knee is in my back."

"That's not my knee." America answered swiftly. "…I think." There was a small shifting of movement underneath him. "Nope, it's my elbow. Yep my left leg is currently underneath me and my other leg is over there and _fuck, thisisreallyawkward."_

"Da."

"So yeah," He lifted his head the best he could without potentially strangling himself. "What now?"

"Well–"

"_Brooooooooooooother!"_

Russia's wail of terror at the sudden appearance of Belarus's voice was cut short as America suddenly headbutted him, knocking him over and sending him sprawling on his back and sent America flying on top of him.

_(All because of that scarf, that stupidstupidstupid, really dumb whydoyouexist scarf.)_

"…I will _nuke _you if you say a freaking word!" America hissed.

Russia's eyes narrowed and the smile dropped. "Is that a _threat_."

"It won't be a threat if I fucking make it come true Commie."

"Oh really?"

"Yes really."

"Oh really?"

"Yes, really."

"Oh, _really?"_

"…I hate you."

* * *

In reality, Canada hated being Canada sometimes. It sucked being an Arctic country and everyone forgot him often and hell, he was known as America's hat by everyone else.

_Whatthefuckwasthatfaggatory._

He was not a hat.

But anyway, he didn't even know how he got tricked into going outside. Apparently, finally everyone remembered him once his brother an off, but because life, God, fate and every other natural super ranging from Demigods to trolls absolutely hated him – he had been stuck with having to go outside in the freezing Finnish weather and go turn on the damn generator.

Fuck his life and call him a doormat. Damn passive-aggressive tendencies…

He sighed and wrapped his arms around himself, shivering violently. How could Tino stand this weather naked? Canada would have to ask him the moment he got the chance.

Hey. _Hey. What __**is **__that?_

Canada flicked the snow off of his glasses and stared at the brown-coloured, snow covered thing that seemed to be rocking back and forth in the wind. It wasn't all that tall and seemed to barely be taller than his head. But it looked like _something _that held a generator.

Smiling, he pushed the door open; knowing that the generator was inside. And damn, he was right. There was an old rusty generator sitting right smack dab in the middle of the shack and it looked absolutely _ancient_. The gears looked rusted over with age and it was covered in cobwebs galore.

"Damn…When was the last time this thing was _cleaned_?"He closed the door behind him and flicked on the lights before walking over to the rusted out machine.

Matthew walked around the length of the generator, looking for the switch that would most likely turn it back on. Eventually, he found it nestled between two brown gears near several thick spider webs. But, what was sitting on _top _of the generator confused him most overall. There was a ferret. No literally, there was a ferret. An actual ferret.

_Whatthefuckwasthisfaggatory._

"Um…What are you doing here little guy?" Matthew asked attentively. He drew his hand closer to the ferret and growled, baring its teeth and he immediately retracted it. "Ahhhahaha…Do you have a name?"

"Jrrrrrrrrrrrrrrames."

"…Quoi…? " It could have not have spoken. Nope.

"Jermey?"

"JRRRRRRRames."

Okay…Maybe there was some creepy ancient Finnish madness that happened when you're out in the snow too long. Kind of like what happens with heat, except yeah, well, with snow.

"Jeremiah?"

"J_RRRRRRRRRRRR_AMES!"

"…James?"

The ferret purred, smiling – _Wait, _wait, _waitwaitwait. _Wait. Ferrets do not _smile. _Did a ferret even have the face muscles to do so?

"Alright.., uh…James? I'm gonna turn on the generator –"

He reached out to turn on the generator, but James would not have that as it seemed. The ferret growled and swung up, scratching Canada's face with its claws before sitting back down on the generator.

Okay. Belarus _had _to have slipped him something.

"Okay, what's going on he–"

The door to the shed suddenly burst open. "Cold, cold! So very cooooold!"

"F-_Finland!"_

The shivering, naked Arctic nation smiled. "Hej - ! Hi-Hi Am-Merica–"

"I'm Canada." He answered bluntly.

"–Oh." Awkward meeting was awkward alright. Canada then sighed and unzipped his explorer's coat, handing it to Finland. The offered coat would easily be the Nordic's size and would go down to his knees.

"Sweden would kill me twice and run me with over with his blades on the rink if I let his wife freeze."

_And not to mention... It makes me feelfunnywhenseeingyounaked._

In Canada's opinion, Finland had a very nice body – even if it was a bit girlish and had a feminine feel to it. But that's what you have to expect when you're known as the Maiden Lady of the Nordics.

"Ah, thank-you Ame- _Canada_." Finland answered, determined to remember the other's name from now on. "I didn't think I'd have to run outside naked, so I guess this is an awkward situation...!" Something then dawned on the Nordic's face and he frowned. "And for the last time, I am not Berwald's wife!"

There was a choking growl from behind them and Finland took notice of James the Ferret at last.

"Awww~!" He cooed adorably. "What's this cute little thing like you doing out here?" Finland reached out to pet the ferret, but Canada pulled his arm back.

"Don't, that thing is freaking _evil_."

"...Evil...?"

"_Evil."_

"...But it looks so cuuuuuute!"

"Evil. Evil, evil, _eviiiiiil._"

The Nordic moved out of Canada's grasp and moved towards the forward. The Canadian shut his eyes, expecting to hear a loud choking scream or a sharp gasp at the best. But all he heard instead was a squeal and cooing.

The Canadian opened his eyes and blinked, seeing Finland laughing quietly as he allowed aJames to lick the side of his face.

"You're soooooooooooooo cute!"

"...He's evil I tell you..."

That, or Canada is hated by everyone expect the spare few who remember him and what's his face, Kumajiji.

He shivered as James glared at him before going back to cuddle with Finland.

"Do you have a name? If you don't, I'll name you Suüoaranisuuakimiää!"

_And it was right there, Canada totally thought Finland just made that the hell up._

The Ferret shook his head and puted. "JrrrrrrrrrrrrrrAAAMEssssss."

"James~?"

The ferret nodded happily.

Okay, Canada was sure he was losing it. But whatever, while that evil, ninja-ferret was preoccupied with attempting to put Finland under mind control with his infernal cuteness, he was going to turn on the damn generator and drag his ass back inside.

So reaching forward quickly, he slammed his hand down and winced when a loud defining _bang _was heard and the old thing began to hum quietly.

"Owwwie! My eaaaaaaaars."

"What?"

"What?"

"Did you say something?"

"What?"

"What?"

"What?"

"What?"

Finland frowned. "Canada, this isn't funny." Canada had been mouthing words, but he couldn't hear them...

"...Quoi?"

He heard that,. "So you can hear me again?"

"What?"

"Wait...Waitwaitwait, The cogs in the Tino's brain began to turn slowly. He couldn't hear English and neither could Canada, but he could hear French? Maybe Canada could hear Finnish!

"Hei, hei!"

"Bonjour?"

"It worked!"

"What?"

"What?"

"What?"

"...Dammit."

Eventually, Canada got tired of their charades and grabbed Finland's hands (luckily, James had taken refuge on Tino's shoulder) and dragged him outside.

"Don't worry little Ferret," Tino whispered in Finnish. "We'll be inside soon~"

* * *

There was supposed to be more but I got lazy.

And according to Jonna, "Suüoaranisuuakimiää" is technically impossible to pronounce :D


End file.
